As a personal trainer, I don't sell fat-loss, toning or programmes. I sell confidence. People seek me as their coach to transform their confidence and self-value. I've got a few tips that are going to transform your mindset for good
HOW TO NEVER CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU
I'm going to share with you a story about my roommate's cat, Maggy
(bare with me)
Maggy's a 10-year-old cat that my roommate adopted maybe a year ago
She's a moggy house cat who spends about 90% of her life asleep
And my roommate absolutely adores her
They have this weird bond that you don't see often between a cat and a 28-year old plumber called Steve
They have their little routines together, which involves play, feeding and snuggles
I'd say the 10% that Maggy is awake, she's following Steve around
Anyway, Steve had to be in Bristol for 5 days so he left me in charge of his feline princess
He gave me strict instructions to change her water and re-fill her litter tray and blaah blaah (I kind of stopped listening when he told me to give her belly rubs every evening after dinner)
So, I'm in charge of Maggy and this is where your mindset is hopefully going to shift
Maggy, perhaps a little confused what's been going on has been following me around like a bad smell
If I sit down, she's trying to sit on me
If I'm eating, her face is in my bowl
If I'm having a shower, she's outside meowing and moaning
And you know what? It's doing my head in
That cat is so damn annoying!!
And I think that's an amazing gift that animals possess
Their ability to simply not give a f*ck
Maggy the cat's just being Maggy the cat. That's all she knows, that's what she's best at!
And that's the problem with humans
We get so caught up about what people might think of us that we forget to just be ourselves
Maggy makes her owner so unimaginably happy, but for me, she's just an annoyance
Do you think Maggy gives a shit? Do you think Maggy should change to make me like her more?
So we shouldn't either!
The only thing you're good at 24 hours a day, seven days a week is being you
Do you know who you suck at being? Anybody and everybody else
If you spend your time trying to make everyone like you, or doing things that everybody else does because they'll accept you, you've lost who you are
Your first step to doubling your confidence is to simply not give a f*ck what others think
Do you know who I have HUGE respect for now that I'm a bit older?
F*ck me those kids are heroes
When I was in school those were the kid's that were picked on big time
I'm not really sure why, maybe it was the uniform or for "pretending to be in the army"
But those kids knew what they wanted, and they went after it
Which takes balls
Why should they stop doing what they love because others don't agree with their choices?
If you want to start diminishing anxiety and feeling way more self-confident then learn to not care what anybody else thinks
Never stop being you, or doing what you love for anybody else
Be yourself and screw anybody who doesn't encourage that
UNDERSTAND THAT YOU CAN'T KEEP EVERYBODY HAPPY
This is an important lesson
A few months ago I was at my parent's house and my sister was expressing to my mum that she was anxious about telling her boss that she'd found work at another beauty salon
"I don't want her to hate me" my sister said
I sat there quietly, I think it's the same between children and parents
The mum has good advice for the children, but because it came out of her mouth and not cool Auntie Claire's that the child perceives it as a lecture
I was trying to piece something in my head that would help her without her rolling her eyes, overlooking my message or calling me arrogant
So I just said this;
"Hey Viki. Imagine if you had to record a 10-second video of yourself. All you had to say was; My name is Viki Banbury, I'm a beauty therapist and I live In Easebourne, West Sussex
And you showed that one 10-second clip to every single person in the world. After they watched it, they were asked to comment if they liked or disliked you
How many people do you reckon would tick that they liked you?"
As humans, we're hardwired to INSTANTLY make a snap decision of someone
The sad reality is that if I showed the world a 10-second video of me, maybe 50% of people might respond that they like me
(probably a higher % for my sister who's a 21-year old blonde)
It's so important that you understand that you can't keep everyone happy and you have to accept that not everybody is going to like you
My sister was moving onto bigger and better things in her life but her fear of her boss disliking her was setting her back
Screw what her boss thinks!
You can't live your life constantly worried about keeping everybody happy, it's impossible!
Your fear of people disliking you is holding you back and it's knocking your confidence
Dwayne Johnson is arguably the biggest actor in Hollywood as we speak, but I'd put good money that he also receives the most hate mail than any other celebrity
For every 1 million loyal fans he may have 10,000 haters. Do you think he gives a shit?
In between blockbuster movies and photoshoots, do you reckon he sits there and worries about the handful of people who dislike what he's doing?
And neither should you
CHANGE YOUR MINDSET, DOUBLE YOUR CONFIDENCE
As hippy as it sounds, your confidence starts with your inner thoughts
Remember that every negative thought that pops into your head, you created
If you created them, you can also destroy them
It was only when I started laughing off every negative thought that my confidence went through the roof
I have goals so huge, that the very thought of them makes my breathing quicken
Goals that I wouldn't ever have dreamt of before I made this mindset shift
Whenever thoughts like;
"What if it doesn't work?"
"What if I can't do it?"
"What if I look silly?" "What if I lose everything?"
"What if I'm the last one?"
Pop into my head, I completely disregard them, laughing in the process
Am I really going to allow my inner thoughts to determine my success?
The other day I was talking to my girlfriend about building our businesses and she was anxious about taking on such a big challenge
She said to me "it's easy for you though because you're so confident"
And it is easy for me!!
I have the biggest advantage over anybody I know. Not because of money or education, but because of my mindset!
I don't allow myself to make excuses or talk down to myself and either should you!
When I quit the Grange leisure centre, complete strangers were casting an opinion over my career path
7 months later and I'm helping more people than I thought possible, with plans to double that in the coming months
What if I had listened or said: "I guess they're right" ??
Negative talk or your inner voice will control your success and results if you allow it. Your job is to disregard everything negative and understand that you are way more capable than you think you
One of the most rewarding things I do as a coach is teach and show my clients how capable they really are
But it starts with you! It starts with that purple squishy thing between your ears and what you decide to tell yourself
Understand from this moment on that you are soo much capable than you realise and if you practise these lessons confidence will never be an issue again
Be you and screw what others think
Realise that you can't keep everybody happy
Destroy any negative thoughts or opinions
These simple rules above completely changed my confidence and they will for you to
A healthy mind and a confident mindset will completely change your life, goals and dreams
So screw anybody that gets in the way of that, they're limiting your success, results and happiness
Thanks for reading,
P.s Just to prove just how much my roommate loves his cat, check out the canvas he had made;